Day 29: New Start or Recycle?

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January 26, 2013 by jannie123

I feel I’m at least 70% over the previous guy that I originally wrote about. I have been feeling sooo much better since  I have other things / people that interest me. I’ve been going out and meeting new people. There are some people in particular that really capture my attention. I feel really excited about these new people, but these feelings bring me back to the very beginning…..

I have always had a lot of dreams and hopes about new guys. Once I feel attracted to them, I start creating a fantasy with them in it. Normally, I hardly know these guys! I’m just attracted to them because they appear handsome, intelligent, and ambitious. That’s it! I have no idea who they are really are (since people always put their best face forward in the beginning), and I’d start emotionally attached to them. I’d start hoping that they’d call me and seeing me regularly. I’d have no idea what their intentions are… sometimes, they just want to date while I am dreaming of getting married to them! lol

In my younger years, I repeated this pattern over and over again. I never thought to really examine it and I end up crying in my bedroom every couple of months when a relationship with a guy fails…. Now, I’m starting to see this pattern reemerging again… I need to stop it or I’ll go back to Day 1!!  Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the charm of a handsome guy, I try to ground myself and ask myself “Do I really want be heart-broken again?”. “Do I want to place so much importance on another person and neglect my needs?” The logical answer to these questions is “NO”, but I can’t help but feel pulled toward these guys….

I’m trying to do everything I can do break the cycle. Writing on this blog has been a tremendous help. I was also told that I need to work on my self esteem. I always act the way I think guys like me to be … Since I don’t value myself enough, I fall victim to the same pattern. I need to start being myself again and focus on my own tasks! Although it is a harder road, I know I will reap a greater reward for focusing on myself instead of falling for every guy that pays attention to me!!

 

URGH!! Gotta be dramatic this time!!

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