Day 10

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January 7, 2013 by jannie123

I can’t believe I’m still alive! I really thought my life was over after the split, but here I am, alive and kicking. LOL I’m feeling a lot lighter and more positive. I’m taking myself over the point of impact and am looking forward to a few exciting things down the pipe!

Once I made the conscious effort of letting go, I feel a lot better. Sure, it was really scary letting go. What if I’ll never find another guy again? What if I’m gonna end up alone forever? Well, these fears prove to be fault. I went to a zumba class yesterday and a guy ran after me after class to get my number. Although I do not like him at all, it was some sort of validation. I know, I should be getting validation from myself, not from other guys. But it was nice to know that I’ve still got it.

 

In addition, to letting go, I’m also making the conscious decision that I will stay single for the next 3 months. I am feeling better / normal, but I don’t think I’m ready to date. There are a few things that I need to work on.

 

1. To be myself: Whenever I date a guy, I loss myself. I’d do whatever I think they like me to do, hoping to get validation from them. I need to be okay just being myself. I’m the only person that I have to live with for the rest of myself and I need to be at peace with myself.

2. Self Improvement: There are a few things that I’d like to develop. I’d like to learn to dance better, or even take a martial art course since there is one right next to my house! I need to develop better habits such as going to bed early and waking up early to go to the gym.

3. Let go of emotional attachment: One of the reasons why my relationships always fail is because I get emotionally attached to someone WAY TOO SOON. As soon as they show signs that they like me, I begin picturing all the the things we can do, and even walking down the aisle together! This is a dangerous trap because I don’t really know who these guys are. Sam, for example, is commitment phobic and I really hurt myself by attaching myself to him when he had made clear that he can’t offer me more. I will need to stop living in my head and let the guys prove themselves to me.

So that’s the plan. I’m moving to a new place next weekend. New year, new start. It’s been rough, but I’m learning through it all. I’m slowly getting myself back and feeling happier. I’m actually feeling so much better that Sam’s out of my life. No more drama and no more guessing. What I learnt here will benefit me for a lifetime. I’m sure there is more to learn…. I’ll take one day as it is!

 

 

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