January 4, 2013 by jannie123
Feeling better and stronger. Today is the first day that I return to work. I’m grateful for the experience. The guy who was texting me nonstop seemed to have stopped and I’m at peace at it. I felt so much pressure from him to respond and hang out and he’s going to want more. I’m not comfortable with that. I just want to go out and have a good time. I’m gaining more perspective as I go. I am seeing the lesson and beauty that I have to go through.
Something that also helped tremendously was a quote that I read today, “women’s body are beautiful before 40, and their personality is beautiful after 40”. That quote gave me a lot of comfort. I feel like I’m going to be beautiful for the rest of my life. I am loveable despite my advancing age. I have been feeling pressured just settling down with someone… but knowing that I will always be beautiful makes me feel at peace.
I can’t deny sometimes that I still harbour the hope that Sam will come back and change his mind… But the desire is decreasing as I learn about accepting the truth. I listened to “daylight” by maroon 5. The lyric goes “When the daylight comes I’ll have to go but tonight I’m gonna hold you so close….” I used to feel depressed listening to that but now…. I’m ok with it. I can feel peace in myself. I know my trial isn’t over. I still have something to learn. I trust that I will be ok