December 30, 2012 by jannie123
I woke up this morning and my first thought was “How do I meet a new guy”. Thank god, I was happy that I wasn’t thinking about him… My mind, however, always have a way of drifting back to him. I decided to get up, and get some food and write on my diary again.
Writing this diary has been tremendously helpful. I wish I had known this trick since my first heart break. I used to withhold everything inside myself. I am slowly coming to terms that maybe we will never be together again. It’s still a hard pill to swallow, but I’m willing to open my heart to new possibilities. I’m still scared as hell about new loves and new people. I don’t want to get hurt again. Although I know that I will be OK. My heart is strong. One day at a time and writing this diary and I shall overcome this pain.
Looking back, I’m glad things happened the way they were. If things went on smoothly, I would never have known how strong I can be. And you can’t be strong unless you are faced with challenges. No one wants to be at the position I was. So I had no choice but to overcome this.
Today, I’m going out to meet some old friends, set up a new dating profile on evow (gulp!)., and maybe rock climbing…. We will see.
2nd edit on Day 3..
Well, things didn’t go the way I want. I’ve chatted with a friend and I got more upset. I know things might not mean to be, but it’s still hard to accept. I went out today and at least put on some makeup, but I can’t cover those bags under my eyes from crying a river. It’s a difficult time, but I shall overcome this….
There are still some questions that are lingering in my mind. Why did he push me away? Why didn’t he even want to touch me? Why did he say I was the best days ago and tell me to find another ago all of the sudden? Why Why Why? I was supposed to go out for rock climbing but I called it off as my head was spinning with all these questions. I finally decided that I will pray… I am not religious by any means, but praying does give me a sense of comfort. It’s as if I’ve done my part in making something that’s out of my control work. The rest is up to the universe. I’m not praying that we will get back toegther, rather, I’m praying that he will see the lights one day. I pray that he will become the person that he was meant to be. I’m sending all my love and positive energies to him. I know that no amount of talk will convince him, but I do believe some higher power at work….
I have also learned that you will never know how things turn out until the last minute… You just don’t know what kind of plan the universe has for you. Maybe this happened for the best…. we will see………………………….